What Women Want: Listen with Your Heart............
Tips for Men
1. Make and keep eye contact. Few things assure your loved one that you are listening
closely more than making eye contact. Without making it seem like you are staring through her,
lock your eyes on hers and listen to what she has to say.
2. Cease all other activity. When your loved one wants to talk to you—when she has
something very important to talk to you about and needs your undivided attention—make sure
you can do it in an atmosphere free of other activity.
3. Let your loved one know you are being attentive. In addition to keeping eye contact,
let her know that you are listening closely and attentively by acknowledging what she’s saying
through head nods and other signs of attentiveness.
4. Speak occasional words of agreement or understanding. While you listen to your loved
one, it is good to interject words that communicate that you understand how that person feels.
Simple statements such as, “I can see how you would feel that way,” or “I would feel the same
way myself” can do much to communicate that you are listening with you heart.
5. Ignore all interruptions. Sometimes a man and his loved one need to get to a place where
there is no chance they will be interrupted so they can jus talk. When you take the time to listen
with your heart, try to do it where you won’t be interrupted.
How women say men can become experts at listening with their hearts:
▪ “Solve problems with me, not for me.”
▪ “Just listen. Give me a chance to voice my inner thoughts and feelings.”
▪ “Listen without offering unsolicited advice or blame.”
▪ “Teach me your problem solving skills.”
▪ “If you don’t understand what I’m saying, ask me questions.”
▪ “Offer feedback that says you understand what I’m telling you.”
▪ “Be compassionate as you listen.”
▪ “Resist laughing or mocking me in what I have to say.”
▪ “Offer me advice with humility.”
▪ “Use facial expressions and body language so that I know you’re really hearing me.”

Good communication is said to be a lifeline to the health of a good marriage. It’s pretty obvious to all who are wise, that there are good ways we can communicate with each other in word and deed, and harmful ways.

To help you to better discern the good from the harmful, you will find below, scripture verses dealing with communication. The following verses come from the New International Version of the Bible unless noted otherwise:

• Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few (Ecclesiastes 5:2).

• If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless (James 1:26).

• The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly (Proverbs 15:2).

• The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil (Proverbs 15:28).

• But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned (Matthew 12:37).

• A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction (Proverbs 16:23).

• The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse (Proverbs 10:29).

• A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).

• Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18).
• A wise man fears the Lord and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated (Proverbs 14:16-17).

• A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly (Proverbs 14:29).

• An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins (Proverbs 29:22).

• Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, lest you learn his ways, and find a snare for yourself (Proverbs 22:24-25).

• A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered (Proverbs 17:27).

• Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him (Proverbs 29:20).

• Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes (Proverbs 26:4-5).

• A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control (Proverbs 29:11).

• A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul (Proverbs 18:7).

• A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions (Proverbs 18:2).

• Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue (Proverbs 17:28).

• The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools (Ecclesiastes 9:17).

• Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is that Head, that is, Christ (Ephesians 4:15).

• The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin (Proverbs 10:8).

• Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly (2 Timothy 2:16).

• When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:19).

• A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly (Proverbs 12:23).

• Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29).

• Pleasant words are a honey comb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones (Proverbs 16:24).

• A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver (Proverbs 25:11).

• The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value (Proverbs 10:20.)

• The tongue of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment (Proverbs 10:21).

• The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit (Proverbs 15:4).

• The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked (Proverbs 10:11).

• The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, but the speech of the upright rescues them (Proverbs 12:6).

• The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools (Proverbs 15:7).

• The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse (Proverbs 10:32).

• Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a fool whose lips are perverse (Proverbs 19:1).

• Put away perversity from your mouth keep corrupt talk far from your lips (Proverbs 4:24).

• He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin (Proverbs 13:3).

• He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity (Proverbs 21:23).

• Rid yourselves of all malice and deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind (1 Peter 2:1).

• A man of perverse heart does not prosper; he whose tongue is deceitful falls into trouble (Proverbs 17:20).

• Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment (Proverbs 12:19).

• The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in men who are truthful (Proverbs 12:22).

• My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. All of the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse (Proverbs 8:7-8).

• An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips (Proverbs 24:26).

• The righteous hate what is false, but the wicked bring shame and disgrace (Proverbs 13:5).

• Above all, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your “Yes” be yes, and your “No,” no, or you will be condemned (James 5:12).

• He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy (Proverbs 28:13).

• The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).

• Words from a wise man’s mouth are gracious, but a fool is consumed by his own lips. At the beginning his words are folly; at the end they are wicked madness—and the fool multiplies words. (Ecclesiastes 10:12-13).

• Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city (Proverbs 16:32).

• A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11).

• Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife (Proverbs 17:1).

• Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).

• Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Proverbs 26:12).

• When pride comes, then disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. (Proverbs 11:2).

• Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor. (Proverbs 18:2).

• Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18).

• Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice (Proverbs 13:10).

• If you have played the fool and exalted yourself, or if you have planned evil, clap your hand over your mouth! For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife (Proverbs 30:32-33).

• What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight (James 4:1-2).

• Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out (Proverbs 17:14).

• It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel (Proverbs 20:3).

• He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction (Proverbs 17:19).

• If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other (Galatians 5:15).

• The evil man is trapped by his sinful talk, but a righteous man escapes trouble. From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him (Proverbs 12:13-14).

• If a man pays back evil for good, evil will never leave his house (Proverbs 17:13).

• The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down (Proverbs 14:1).

• A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping (Proverbs 19:13).

• A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand (Proverbs 27:15-16).

• Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife (Proverbs 21:19).

• Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife (Proverbs 25:24).

• Wives, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:1-4).

• Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:7).

• Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:8-9).

• Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor [spouse], for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:25-27).

• In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice… Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind (1 Peter 2:11).

• If you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s [spouse's] hands: Go humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor [spouse]! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. (Proverbs 6:2-5).

• Remind the people… to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men (Titus 3:2).

• Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe (Philippians 2:14-15).

• Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (Hebrews 12:14-15).

• Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification (Romans 14:19).

• When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly (1 Corinthians 4:12-13).

• Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will (2 Timothy 2:23-26).

• And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Ephesians 4:30-32).

• Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

• Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up on meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10:24-25).

• Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:9-10).

• Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:1-2).

• I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:1-3).

• If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).

• The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness (James 3:17-18).

• Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ (Philippians 1:27.).

• Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. Greet one another with a holy kiss (2 Corinthians 13:11-12).

• Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near (Philippians 4:5).

• Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him (Colossians 3:17).

• We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).

• Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear (Proverbs 25:12).

• Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance (Proverbs 1:5).

• The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice (Proverbs 12:15).

• The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly (Proverbs 15:14).

• He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. (Proverbs 15:31).

• He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame (Proverbs 18:13).

• The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out (Proverbs 18:15).

• Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise (Proverbs 19:20).

• Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge (Proverbs 23:12).

• Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it —he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. (James 1:19-26).



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